On Composure

This past week was stressful.

Immediately following Thanksgiving, I got very sick. I had a fever that lasted six days; I vacillated between sweating through my clothes and violent, teeth-chattering chills. I coughed so hard that bile flew out of my mouth and onto our ottoman. That was fun.

Between the body aches, not sleeping, and constant coughing, I began to feel like I was simply floating through life. I slept in the guest bedroom and tried to stay away from everyone, which made me feel lonely.

Just as I started to turn the corner on my illness, my wife injured herself. A large shard of glass got embedded in her palm. After rushing her to the ER, we were informed that she would need to have surgery in order to retain sensation in all her fingers. So now we had an uncertain upcoming surgery, large ER bills, and the general logistical chaos of needing to swap duties and schedules to take care of the kids.

In short:

It was a stressful week.

Despite all that, I was able to work, get all the Critical Path sessions done on schedule, take care of the home and the kids, etc. I really didn't miss much of a step.

That’s not to brag; it didn’t come easy, nor did I do as good a job as I could have.

I did, however, do a better job than I would have a few years ago.

I attribute this improvement to a simple trick I picked up recently. It's a trick to help myself manage stressful situations, and to keep my head on straight when everything is chaotic.

Credit for this trick goes to Chase Hughes, whom you can find all over YouTube.

Here it is:

Measure your composure every day.

Let's break this down.

There are two important components here:

1.) The distinction of composure, and

2.) Measurement as an improvement mechanism.

Composure is straightforward enough: it’s the extent to which someone is in control of their behavior.

If we get swept away by our emotions or impulses, we have low composure; if, despite what’s going on in our lives, we retain our ability to think through our actions and respond appropriately, then our composure is high.

Everyone’s composure will go up and down over time. If you’re under a prolonged period of high stress, you may find your composure in decline. If you take care of yourself, rest, and build your internal resources, you will find your level of composure going up.

Now that we’ve distinguished composure as a part of our life, we can start measuring it daily.

Measuring something every day has a strange effect: the thing we’re measuring often starts to improve, seemingly all on its own. In the same way, taking a second or two to measure your composure each day will lead to your level of composure improving. In fact, tracking something regularly is one of my go-to "hacks" for improving anything.

Why? The simple act of continuously bringing your attention to something causes you to change your behavior regarding that thing. You become “the kind of person who pays attention to your composure,” and the kind of person who pays attention to composure is also the kind of person who has higher than average composure.

The combination of distinguishing composure as a part of your life and repeatedly bringing your attention back to it iwill help improve your level of composure.

The best part? You don’t need to consciously try to change anything; you don’t need to put an improvement plan in place. Just track it and see what happens.

That’s my secret: I’ve been tracking my composure (on a simple Likert scale of 1-5) for months. As a result, when things get stressful, composure is the first thing on my mind and helps to guide me towards a more measured response to whatever is going on.

I’ve never liked stressful environments. I’ve never liked doing anything under pressure. I’ve never liked tight deadlines. Yet, by keeping track of my composure day to day, my resilience and adaptability in stressful situations has improved significantly.

Try it out. See what happens. You might be surprised.

Yours,

Dan

SOMETHING I'M READING:

HORSE MASTER: The Game of Horse Mastery.

When I say you should play this text-based-body-horror-horse-game, I mean it. Spend 20 minutes on this and enjoy.

Horse Master: The Game of Horse Mastery by Tom McHenry

Master a horse. Become a Horse Master.

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